Susie and I went out for dinner on a date night last week. The waiter asked us what we wanted to drink. All I wanted was water… but I couldn’t bring myself to order it. I didn’t want the waiter thinking I was cheap. You see, I’ve been a waiter, and I know what’s really going on when a customer orders water:
Waiter: Can I start you off with a drink?
Interpretation: Can I start racking up your bill?
Customer: I think I’ll just start with water.
Interpretation: I am not going to order anything else but I don’t want to look cheap so I’ll keep musing over the wine menu.
Waiter: Perrier or Evian?
Interpretation: “Hey-Big-Spender!”
Customer: Oh… just tap water.
Interpretation: Jerk.
Waiter: Very well.
Interpretation: I’ll go see if I can get you transferred out of my section.
If you want to add insult to injury, wait until your waiter turns around and then add the line, “with lemon please”. If you really want to mess with him, wait until he brings you the water and then ask for the lemon! But I warn you, in the fight between waiters and customers, this is a low blow! If you look closely, you will see your waiter wince in pain.
I almost want to wink when I order water and whisper, “don’t worry, I am one of you!” Somehow I don’t think it would help.
Am I the only one who feels guilty ordering water at a restaurant?
Click here to read the Top 5 things waiters want to say when someone orders water…
