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What Happens When You Order Water to Drink at a Restaurant

Susie and I went out for dinner on a date night last week. The waiter asked us what we wanted to drink. All I wanted was water… but I couldn’t bring myself to order it. I didn’t want the waiter thinking I was cheap. You see, I’ve been a waiter, and I know what’s really going on when a customer orders water:

Waiter: Can I start you off with a drink?
Interpretation: Can I start racking up your bill?

Customer: I think I’ll just start with water.
Interpretation: I am not going to order anything else but I don’t want to look cheap so I’ll keep musing over the wine menu.

Waiter: Perrier or Evian?
Interpretation: “Hey-Big-Spender!”

Customer: Oh… just tap water.
Interpretation: Jerk.

Waiter: Very well.
Interpretation: I’ll go see if I can get you transferred out of my section.

If you want to add insult to injury, wait until your waiter turns around and then add the line, “with lemon please”. If you really want to mess with him, wait until he brings you the water and then ask for the lemon! But I warn you, in the fight between waiters and customers, this is a low blow! If you look closely, you will see your waiter wince in pain.

I almost want to wink when I order water and whisper, “don’t worry, I am one of you!” Somehow I don’t think it would help.

Am I the only one who feels guilty ordering water at a restaurant?

Click here to read the Top 5 things waiters want to say when someone orders water…

Why I Hate Movie Trailers

Someone once asked me, “which would you rather watch: a decent 90-minute movie OR 90-minutes of previews for upcoming films?”

My answer was the previews. I get so inspired and excited watching previews… at least I used to. Now I actually put my hands over my ears and insert my head into my lap when a trailer for a good movie comes on.

It all started a couple months ago when I was on a date night with my wife Susie. Date nights are very important to us. When you have kids, your relationship with your spouse can dwindle into that of “child-rearing partners” if you aren’t careful. Sure that’s a major component of any marriage with children but what happens when the children leave the nest? Your raison d’être has left the building. Yikes. So even if we are broke and have to go to a coffee shop, order hot water, and bring our own tea bag- we will go on our date night.

On this particular date night we went to the movies and I can’t remember what we saw. What I do remember is seeing the trailer for the movie Brothers with Tobey Maguire, Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman.

Susie and I were so taken by the trailer we made a pact to see the movie as soon as it came out. It looked incredible. Later I saw the poster and thought it was brilliant. (I love how British people say “Brilliant”. I have to consciously remind myself not to put on a British accent when I use the word. Try saying brilliant with a Canadian accent. It’s just not the same.) Anyway, although I was really taken by the preview I was also a little bothered by it. I mean, they basically reveal the entire plot of the film. If you haven’t seen the trailer, watch it here. I pretty much know the major twists and turns of the story before I have seen the film! It drives me crazy!

So we went to see Brothers a couple weeks ago. I thought the acting was amazing and the writing was brilliant. (There’s that lovely little word again… why am I not British!?) I really enjoyed the film. But I would have enjoyed it SO MUCH MORE if they hadn’t have revealed the kiss!!! Why!? WHY!? WHY!!!???

I think a really good preview should leave you intrigued, enticed and in the dark. Like this trailer for the Canadian film Passchendale. Even the trailer for the poorly received Lady in the Water was terrific. Intrigued, enticed and in the dark. My recipe for a good movie trailer.

So next time you are at the movies and notice a chap with his hands over his ears and his head in his lap, you know why. Cheerio.