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What Was God Doing Before?

When I was a kid I used to wonder, “If there is a God, what was he doing before he made all this stuff?” I pictured God alone in the darkness. Silence. Nothingness. I couldn’t imagine how bored he must have been.

Recently I heard Bruxy Cavey talk about the concept of the Holy Trinity- God as three persons in one. I have heard this language since I was a kid but he shone a new light on it for me. Before God created anything, Bruxy explained, there was fellowship. Father and Son and Holy Spirit communing together in fellowship.

And then it made sense to me- what God was doing before he made anything… God wasn’t doing. God was being.

Moses is sent to deliver the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. Moses asks God, “Who shall I say sent me?” And the answer God gives is this: “I am that I am. Tell them, ‘I am’ sent you.” How beautiful is that?! His identity is not in what he does. His identity is simply that he is.

So often, we carve our identities out of what we do. But as creatures made in God’s image, he welcomes us to say “I am that I am” as well.

Do you agree? What are your thoughts?


It’s August. I’m in Toronto. Even the pavement sweats. I spot an ice cream truck. I’m too old to order ice cream alone. You have to be with friends. But a milkshake on the other hand…

I stand in line. I am happy. I don’t think you can be unhappy when you’re about to get a milkshake. A homeless man approaches me. He is angry. He asks me for money. I heard its better to give homeless people a bus ticket or some food.  I ask him if he’d like a milkshake. That seems to make him angrier. He grunts in the affirmative and we stand in line together. I suppose this means I can order ice cream now…

I try to make small talk but he won’t even look at me. You can be angry even when you’re about to get a milkshake. I ask the ice cream truck guy for two shakes. I hand my angry friend the first one. He storms off without saying a word. I am a little taken aback and think to myself, I shouldn’t have given him anything in the first place. Why should I give to someone so rude and unthankful? I feel a nudge in my heart. Because that’s the way God gives. I drink my milkshake alone and hope my angry friend is enjoying his.

I heard the voice of God (He sounds like me!!!)

God spoke to me today. For real. Depending on your own personal beliefs, you may think this makes me crazy. But before you close this window and dismiss me as delusional, let me explain…

I was driving on the 401 in Toronto. This is a highway where God is spoken of often- usually betwixt much profanity and raising of fingers. I was sitting there  feeling quite bogged down with my career. You see, there are four things I love to do: Writing, Acting, Rapping and Speaking. I have been doing a lot of speaking lately and I have put all of my other passions on the back burner. And because speaking is what pays my bills, it is easy to justify that.

But… in the last couple of weeks I have been haunted by this terrible restlessness. I can’t focus. I’m indecisive. It’s awful. And today on the 401, I heard the voice of God. He simply said:

“There is very little that you actually love to do… so do it all.”

Pretty simple huh?

Now, you may be thinking: “If there is a God, and this God were to speak to you, why wouldn’t he tell you the name of the plant that can be used to cure AIDS? Or give you a strategy to create world peace? Or give you the winning numbers for next week’s lottery?” Good questions. And I don’t have the answers. But I do believe that God wants to speak to every person on the planet. There is a scripture in the Book of Job that says:

“For God does speak–now one way, now another–though we may not perceive it.”
– Job 33:14

Imagine that… God speaks. There’s no thunder. No lightning. No James Earl Jones voice. It is so subtle that we don’t even recognize it. God speaks and we don’t even notice.

I once heard a guy talk about this whole thing. He said, “God’s voice sounds like spontaneous thoughts that light upon the mind.” I thought that was neat.

Of course, I don’t think he only speaks in spontaneous thoughts. I think He speaks through emotions and dreams. Scriptures and convictions. Sunsets and images of Jesus that supernaturally appear on breakfast toast.

OK, maybe not the toast. But I do believe we can miss His voice. And I don’t want to miss it. So all day I have been turning this spontaneous thought over and over in my mind. And the more I think about it, the more I feel a peace about my career, the more I feel emboldened to fan all of my passions into flame. This little spontaneous thought accomplished quite a lot.

OK, I admit it. Maybe this was just me. After all, there’s no proof. No evidence. And I don’t have the name for some miracle plant growing in the Amazon. But I also don’t have that deep restlessness anymore. And for that, I am thankful. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go butter my Jesus toast.

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