A bird in the hand…


So tonight I audited a friends acting class. To some of you, the term ‘audit’ is the accounting equivalent of a rectal probe. Auditing an acting class isn’t as intrusive- although it can be as painful if you are watching really bad acting. Anyway, I am sitting there watching the class and I get an e-mail from my agent. He has an audition for me tomorrow at 11:40am. It is a television commercial for a big box store and I am one half of a “trendy couple.” There’s one problem- I’m working a lunch shift tomorrow that starts at 11:30am.

They say “a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush” and I think there is wisdom in that. Although I’m not sure why the bird always has to end up dead in these sayings. Like “killing 2 birds with one stone”- that’s just mean. I heard Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird- now that is impressive. Anyway, I get the concept: better to have a little that is guaranteed than to go for more and end up with nothing. My question is this: is a bird in the hand better than twenty in a bush? You see, I’ll make 50 or 60 bucks at tomorrow’s lunch shift. Do I give that up to go for the 20-30 times more that the commercial could pay?

I got this e-mail at 6:15pm. That is really short notice to get a shift covered. And who wants to cover a lunch shift? My manger already gives me a hard time because I make so many requests for time off and I know I have a bunch more requests coming… So what do I do?

I left the class early and took a walk around the block. I kept asking myself “What do I do?” Finally I went with my gut. I e-mailed my agent and told him it was too last minute and I had another obligation I could not get out of. He e-mailed me back and said “You’re fired. Just kidding.” (My agent always writes very short e-mails. He probably writes 200 a day so it’s understandable.) Anyway, I feel like I’m not missing much. Think of me tomorrow as I serve Ribs to hungry businessmen. And if you go out to eat in the near future, be good to your waiter.

Here’s to being an Optimist

I’m kind of trying to be an actor. And like most people trying to be an actor, I am a waiter. And if you are the woman who left me with no tip last night, I hate you.

Did you notice I said I’m “kind of trying” to be an actor? I say that because I don’t think I have that charming desperation that most would-be actors have. I wouldn’t sell my soul to be in a Steven Spielberg film. Steven, if by chance you are reading this, that last sentence is negotiable. But really, there are things I will not do on screen and it puts a limit on the roles I can play. I won’t swear. I won’t do love scenes. I won’t even kiss. Most people say I will never make it as an actor with those kinds of boundaries.

I am married to my undisputed soulmate- Susie (she’s an amazing singer with a really great smile), and we have two kids- our 3-year old son Joshua (he’s like a little terrorist who really means well), and our little girl Ariella (big hair, big eyes, big belly… so cute!) Some moments in our house are like heaven on earth. Other moments are as frustrating as trying to read a lovely novel whilst sitting inside a hornets nest.

I love my kids. I love my wife. And despite my restrictions as an actor… I think I can make it! Here’s to being an optimist.

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