Top 5 Things Waiters Want to Say When Someone Orders Water

This is a follow-up post. Click here to learn why ordering water at a restaurant is so taboo.

As a waiter, there were many times I had to bite my tongue when a customer was annoying me. Like when someone wants to taste a sample of the Bolognese sauce before ordering. Or when someone yells a request to you from the other side of the restaurant.  Or when you ask someone what they’d like to drink and they say, “water”. I shudder.

Here are the Top 5 things waiters want to say when someone orders water:

5. Sure- just put your head under the sink in the washroom.
4. Sorry, we’re all out.
3. The #1 ingredient in all of our fountain drinks is water…. Shall I get you one of those?
2. Our taps are laced with arsenic. Would you prefer something else?
1. Sure- just bite your cheeks and swallow some saliva!


Help me to make this a Top 10 list! Leave a comment below!

What Happens When You Order Water to Drink at a Restaurant

Susie and I went out for dinner on a date night last week. The waiter asked us what we wanted to drink. All I wanted was water… but I couldn’t bring myself to order it. I didn’t want the waiter thinking I was cheap. You see, I’ve been a waiter, and I know what’s really going on when a customer orders water:

Waiter: Can I start you off with a drink?
Interpretation: Can I start racking up your bill?

Customer: I think I’ll just start with water.
Interpretation: I am not going to order anything else but I don’t want to look cheap so I’ll keep musing over the wine menu.

Waiter: Perrier or Evian?
Interpretation: “Hey-Big-Spender!”

Customer: Oh… just tap water.
Interpretation: Jerk.

Waiter: Very well.
Interpretation: I’ll go see if I can get you transferred out of my section.

If you want to add insult to injury, wait until your waiter turns around and then add the line, “with lemon please”. If you really want to mess with him, wait until he brings you the water and then ask for the lemon! But I warn you, in the fight between waiters and customers, this is a low blow! If you look closely, you will see your waiter wince in pain.

I almost want to wink when I order water and whisper, “don’t worry, I am one of you!” Somehow I don’t think it would help.

Am I the only one who feels guilty ordering water at a restaurant?

Click here to read the Top 5 things waiters want to say when someone orders water…

Making Ideas Happen

As a creative type, I come up with ideas that die on the sidelines of my mind almost daily. I stumbled upon a video recently that blew me away in terms of what it must have taken to turn the initial idea into a reality. Click here to check out this UBC Lipdub video.

I have four great passions in life: Writing, Acting, Rapping and Speaking. From time to time I will come up with an idea for one of these passions- something I think would be really neat. And I take that idea, and I tuck it away on a shelf in my mind. And there it stays undeveloped like a forgotten roll of film.

I have the best intentions. I have the worst execution. So I am reading a book called Making Ideas Happen by Scott Belsky. Click here to check it out.

Here’s what I’m learning:

– The idea is easy. The execution is hard.
– The idea is cheap. The execution is gold.
– The idea will die on its own. The execution requires action, leadership and community.

For those of you who turn your ideas into projects… how do you do it?

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